


Dean's Gay Awakening

by KaylaAnne2



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cute, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, anxious!cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 15:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20260243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaylaAnne2/pseuds/KaylaAnne2
Summary: Cas's comfort dog runs away and Cas panics. Thankfully, Dean is there to help him find Trish.





	Dean's Gay Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings: swearing, anxiety attacks
> 
> If I forgot any warnings, make sure to tell me, please and thank you. Otherwise, enjoy the fic!

Cas is officially panicking. Not in the light 'oh my gosh I'm panicking' sort of way, but the 'oh my fucking god my fucking dog is missing because some assbutts fucking hurt her and now Cas's all alone and is never going to fucking find his dog and die alone like he was always supposed to and…' well, you get the idea.

And he is panicking so bad that he can't breathe and usually Trish calms him down but now she's fucking missing and  _ fuck _ . He doesn't swear and now he has turned into a person that swears and fuck.

He doesn't know anyone and he's going to pass out and nobody here knows him and his parents don't want him and Gabriel is going to be pissed if he has to come identify a body and his fucking dog is missing. Fuck.

And then he sees him and tunnels in on the green eyes, the only boy that he's paid attention to his entire time in college because he calms him with his steady eyes and confident demeanor and yet he's never talked to this boy.

And yet he knows no one else and the boy is coming closer to him and fuck. He's panicking again and the boy can totally see because his vision is starting to black out in a series of dots, but the boy only comes faster and drops down to his knees in front of him and he's talking to him and Cas doesn't know what he's saying which is inconsiderate and-

And suddenly he can hear because he looks into the boy's eyes,  _ Dean's  _ eyes, which are gazing into his own eyes with worry, sure, but also with complete steadiness.

"Cas? Castiel? Can you hear me?" Dean keeps asking and holy mother of god his voice is even more beautiful up close, even more beautiful saying Cas's name, focused on Cas and only Cas.

Cas can only nod, focusing on his breathing like he was taught which Dean seems to understand, keeping his gaze directly into Cas's eyes which he is so thankful for. How does he even know what to do?

He wants to ask, but all that comes out is a breathless, "Dean."

"Heya, Cas. Where's Trish?" Dean asks and how does he know his dog’s name? But it doesn't matter anymore, all that matters is getting Trish back. And fuck, he can feel it again and-

"Gone," Cas realizes he's been saying on repeat and suddenly Dean's hand is in his, warm and welcome and he takes a deep breath to make sense because his dog needs him right now and nothing is more important.

"Okay, Cas. Alright, just tell me what happened, slow and steady and keep breathing for me, alright?" Dean prompts, giving Cas’s hand a squeeze as Cas nods, taking one last deep breath before telling Dean everything.

"I was taking Trish on her daily walk and these two...these two fucking  _ assbutts  _ come up to her and kick her when I told them that they couldn't pet her because she was on duty and she got really scared. Really scared, Dean. And she's fast. So fucking fast and I don't know where she went or if she's okay because what if she's injured and they take her away and I die alone and-"

"Hey, hey, Cas, shh, Cas. Deep breaths. I won't let you die alone," Dean comforts, squeezing his hand tight to ground him which Cas is eternally grateful for, but now his heart is beating fast not out of anxiety, but out of hope that maybe Dean means- "Because I'm going to help you get her back. Promise."

Nope, Dean does not mean...that's okay. Trish needs him right now, so he nods seriously and gives Dean a tentative smile for his efforts.

"Thank you, Dean," Cas says and Dean nods.

"'Course. Anywhere she likes more than others? Sometimes dogs go to where they know best when they're scared, kind of like humans," Dean explains. Cas takes the question seriously and focuses for a minute to think about it with a clearer mind than before, for Trish.

"She really likes the quad on campus, but she knows my apartment right off campus better since we spend a lot of our time there." 

"Alright, the quad is on the way to your apartment and holy shit that sounds creepy, but I...my brother, Sammy, he kind of lives next to you and I've seen you go out. And...I'll explain the rest on the way about knowing so much about you. Swear I'm not a creep, really."

"That's okay. I know a bit about you as well, we can both share if that makes you more comfortable."

Dean only smiles in response, so Cas decides to talk first to distract himself as Dean pulls him up and makes sure he's steady before they start to walk, still hand in hand. Not that Cas is protesting. Nope, not at all.

"The first time I saw you," Cas says, "was in Robinson's class first year. I guess you...caught my attention and I kept tabs whenever you would say anything. I found you to be quite intelligent even though you are quite vulgar around your friends in the cafe I frequented. I found myself needing to know why you felt the need for that, so you kept my interest."

"Did you ever figure it out?" Dean asks.

"Yes, or, well, I presume to have figured it out. If you don't mind me saying."

"No, no, I'm curious what you've decided."

"Well, I have found you to have a need to be macho around others and yet you could lay out the emotional flaws within Romeo and Juliet perfectly by comparing the appropriate way to conduct a healthy relationship against the supposed star-crossed lovers. And yet you also clam up when asked about feelings and instead use a common defense mechanism of offending the other sex or the youth by claiming not to be a girl or not to be a baby. This leads me to believe that someone in your childhood discouraged any form of vulnerability and must have told you to 'be a man' which is sexist and emotionally deprecating and neglectful for a child."

"So...You're saying I didn't get hugged enough as a kid or something," Dean says, simplifying his answer a bit too much for Cas's liking.

"In a way, yes. But it's more than that, isn't it? It's constant reinforcement of gender divides and proper behavior that has impacted you to have the need to seem confident and nonchalant all the time. I also assume that part of that may be a show that you sometimes put on to reassure your brother...Sammy, wasn't it? Which leads me to assume that too much responsibility was placed on you as a child because these are mannerisms of an adult older than yourself."

Dean clears his throat and seems quite uncomfortable, so they walk for a moment in silence until they reach the quad, finding no golden retriever in sight and the few people they questioned hadn't seen a dog and Cas is totally not starting to panic again and-

-And Dean's hand is squeezing his again and it jolts his mind back to the present.

"I guess I noticed your dog first," Dean says, thankfully ignoring Cas's little episode and letting Cas get back to steady breaths on his own this time with silent support. "No offense dude, but it's just not what I expected to see the first say and Sammy used to always want a Golden so I saw the dog before your baby blues. I almost thought you were a stuck-up prick with your suit and trench coat and odd expression, but I soon found out that was just..you. And you're stubborn and curious and ignorant of so many pop culture references and generous and holy shit dude, you're interesting. And you're anxious just like Sammy, but he never got a dog so that's how I knew about that manual calming stuff, by the way.

"Anyways, you had such interesting things to say, so I tried to pull you into discussion as much as possible, but I figured out pretty quick that you hated that, so I stopped and kept waiting for you to join in. Which you did from time to time. And you're confident in who you are, if not about showing yourself to people. I mean, you argued for the entire class period once that Stephen Dedalus is gay and practically came out to the entire class with your closing and, really, no offense but you were the first gay dude I met and I was both shocked and...well, a little scared.

"My dad was a bit harsh on that stuff, that's why I never questioned my own sexuality, but you...well, you were basically my gay awakening. Bi awakening? You get the gist. Got me to explore without feeling so guilty and whatnot, so thanks."

"You're welcome?" Cas says, well, it came out as more of a question, but he realizes that he might actually have a shot with Dean because he likes guys too and a gay awakening - to Cas's understanding - typically involves liking the other person, so maybe…

They reach Cas's door to his apartment and Cas practically launches himself at Trish who seems ashamed of running off but also excited to see her owner once again.

Cas immediately pulls her into a tight hug and she gently licks his face that he just realizes has tears and for some reason the knowledge that he's crying pushes him to have sobs wrenched out of his body because he's with his dog soulmate, his best companion and she's no longer lost.

"I was so worried," Cas cries out, pulling away to wipe his face and smile at Trish. "I see you're no longer hurt, but we shall take it slow the next couple of days, girl. I'll call vet Charlie for us to visit later, but for now let's go inside."

Cas almost forgets that Dean is right behind him until he hears him clear his throat awkwardly.

"Would you like to come in for some coffee?" Cas asks and Dean beams.

"If it's not too much to ask," Dean says out of politeness, but Cas realizes that this means that Dean actually wants to talk to him.

"Of course not. It's the least I could do for your kindness," Cas responds, but Dean seems a bit put out by his answer, so Cas decides to screw it all and just go for it like his therapist Pamela has been encouraging. "I would also like to participate in further discussion with you because I find you interesting and would like to get to know you better. And if it's not too much to presume, I would very much like this to be the first of many dates because I like you and you seem to like me? Unless I'm wrong, of course."

Dean seems flabbergasted for a moment before his face completely lights up as if Cas just told him that he could graduate tomorrow without any more work. Cas knew that Dean would never make the first move, seeing as he isn't too confident in expressing emotion, especially with boys, but Cas's heart explodes with hope and warmth at that smile. Trish seems to approve of Dean because she happily thumps her tail since she can't go over to him while on-duty, but she only does that around people that she has a good feeling about, so Cas is further reassured in his decision.

No matter how confident Cas is of an affirmative answer, his whole world still changes as Dean says, "Yes."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading to the end! If you liked it, make sure to leave a kudos and a comment!


End file.
